Monday 22 June 2009

BMW

From: Franco Giammattei
Date: 2 June 2009 17:20
To: Tim Broughton
Subject: BMW Request

Good morning Mr Broughton,

Many thanks for your recent enquiry into the BMW 5 series.

There appears to be no numbers provided to contact you.

Please can you get in touch with me at your earliest convenience so that we can discuss your interest further.

Kindest regards

Franco Giammattei

BMW New Car Sales Executive
BMW Park Lane



From: Tim Broughton
Date: 3 June 2009 21:50
To: Franco Giammattei
Subject: BMW Request


Dear Franco

Many thanks for getting in touch to discuss the exceptional engineering that is The BMW. I've thought for years that nothing quite says "I've arrived" with the same gusto as a well polished Beamer cruising down the outside lane.

Well, I'm hitting a point in my life when I think I'm ready. This is a big moment for me, Franco. The kids have grown up and gone to Oxford and into dentistry, the wife seems happy enough and it really feels like my time again. Its time for me to toast myself on the back with a new set of wheels.

I've been looking at the M3 Coupe and think this might be the car for me. I do have some fairly strong reservations though, particularly concerning the music/radio system in the car. Could you please send me some details and tell me, has this changed a lot from the systems in place in BMWs 25 years ago?

Unfortunately I'm uncontactable by phone at the moment as the wife and I are holidaying in the Seychelles (first impressions ok - the people seem clean) but I will be checking my Blackberry from time to time. I presume, being based in Park Lane, you'd be my local dealer.

Many thanks in advance for the information.

Tim Broughton

Sent from a Blackberry



From: Franco Giammattei
Date: 5 June 2009 09:54
To: Tim Broughton
Subject: BMW Request

Hi Tim,

Many thanks for your quick response.

I will forward the M3 electronic brochure so you can ready through when convenient.

The sound system in an M3 is exceptional and far better than those fitted on the cars from 25 years ago.

When you are back in the country, perhaps it would be a good idea to pop in and allow me to demonstrate the sound system?

Enjoy the rest of your holiday and speak soon.

Kindest regards

Franco Giammattei

BMW New Car Sales Executive
BMW Park Lane



From: Tim Broughton
Date: 5 June 2009 21:36
To: Franco Giammattei
Subject: BMW Request

Dear Franco

I'm very keen to learn whether the sound system is easy to use and will not in any way distract me from driving the fabulous M3. You see, I'm in a bit of a quandary. Let me give you a little background.

In 1979 my wife had a fiance called Cliff who drove a BMW. Very happy they were, and all set for a wonderful life together. One day on the way to work, Cliff had a bit of an accident whilst scrolling through the radio stations and, to cut a long story short, made a full recovery but had to be fitted with a prosthetic nose. Now, I know this might sound odd, but my wife really struggled to deal with the nose thing and ended up leaving him.

Two years later we got together and we've never looked back. However, I'm worried that buying a beamer will bring back quite disturbing memories for her. I'm concerned it may be interpreted as callus and insensitive for me to invest in the vehicle which ultimately ended her previous realtionship.

What do you think? I'm tempted just to buy the car and play the ignorance card once it's sat on the driveway. I can't honestly see her making me take it back to the shop, but at the same time, deep down, Franco, I'll know.

What would you do?

Thanks for your help in this difficult, unusual but highly significant matter.

Tim

Sent from a Blackberry



From: Franco Giammattei
Date: 8 June 2009 10:59
To: Tim Broughton
Subject: BMW Request

Many thanks for your response Tim.

The best thing I can suggest is for you and your wife to come into the showroom when you return from your holiday.

I can show you an M3 to look around and demonstrate the fact that the sound system is easier to use and far more sophisticated that the BMW’s of 30 years ago.

From the story you have told me, it is not down to the BMW entirely and could have happened in any car built back then as safety standard’s were not as high.

I look forward to hearing from you shortly.

Kindest regards

Franco Giammattei

BMW New Car Sales Executive
BMW Park Lane



From: Tim Broughton
Date: 18 June 2009 13:47
To: Franco Giammattei
Subject: BMW Request

Oh no Franco

You'll never guess what's happened. My wife caught me printing out the brochure you sent me and hit the roof! Goodness me! The things she said were truly hurtful.

"How could you entertain the thought of driving one of those"
"You repugnant filth"
"You're not the father of my children"
etc etc

Clearly she's never really recovered from the trauma of Cliff's prosthetic nose which, in itself, I have a bit of a problem with. I met him once and at a dinner party in Stoke and he looked fine - nasally speaking. I thought his forehead was more of an issue, an opinion my wife did not appreciate.

So. it looks like I must look elsewhere for an auto-upgrade. Thank you for your advice. I have recently come to think of you, not only as a BMW new car sales executive, but as a friend.

Tim

Sent from a blackberry

Monday 15 June 2009

Eoghan Quigg

From: andrew pountain
Date: Wed, 2 Jun 2009 20:40:45
To: tim broughton
Subject: Re: Eoghan quigg

Hi tim,

I am the live agent for Eoghan,

Can you give me some more information re your event?

Best,

Andrew Pountain


From: tim broughton
Date: Wed, 3 Jun 2009 21:56
To: andrew pountain
Subject: Re: Eoghan quigg

Dear Andrew

Many thanks for getting in touch.

My daughter Jessica will be celebrating her 7th Birthday at the end of September this year and, having discussed the matter with my wife, we would very much like Eoghan to attend and perform. We are situated in Bucks, money no object.

Please let me know his availability.

Many thanks,

Tim Broughton


From: andrew pountain
Date: Wed, 3 Jun 2009 22:12
To: tim broughton
Subject: Re: Eoghan quigg

Hi tim,

Eoghan's normal fee for a 30 minute show plus meet and greet etc is 5k plus vat and rider.

How does this work for you?

Best,

Andrew Pountain


From: tim broughton
Date: Tue, 9 Jun 2009 10:31
To: andrew pountain
Subject: Re: Eoghan quigg

Hi Andy

Sorry not to be in touch for so long. I have been in Columbia on business and failed to receive your email.

Since returning cash has become a little tight. A valuable package was seized by customs on my return to the UK and as a result £5k for half an hour might be too much.


Tell me, if we booked Eoghan, would Jessica be able to see the strings? I've spoken with my wife and we've decided that Jessica would be heartbroken if she ever found out Eoghan isn't real.

Many thanks

Tim


From: andrew pountain
Date: 9 June 2009 10:43
To: tim broughton
Subject: Re: Eoghan quigg

Man. That's so cool.

Best,

Andrew Pountain


From: tim broughton
Date: 9 June 2009 10:51
To: andrew pountain
Subject: Out of Office AutoReply: Thanks for the support

As many of you know, the recent court case didn't go quite as planned and I shall be unavailable to respond to your email for the next five years - two if I'm good.

Many thanks for your support and well-wishing during the trial. Margaret, Jessica and I much appreciate it.
Please continue to look after them whilst I'm away, perfecting my tomato gravy and polishing the tabletennis skills.

Best wishes

Tim Broughton

Monday 8 June 2009

Foxtons

From: tim broughton
Sent: 31 May 2009 11:13
To: alia.jamal@foxtons.co.uk
Subject: Chelsea home for sale

Dear Sir

My wife and I have decided that we need to put our family home up for sale from the beginning of July. The house is situated at SW3 6LH - as I'm sure you'll agree, an extremely desirable London location.

My wife, Zho-ee, won tabletennis Olympic gold in Barcelona and we are now required to return to China to help in preparations for next year's World Championships and of course the London Olympics in 2012.

We will be in the Maldives for the next 3-4 weeks or so, but I will be checking my Blackberry intermittently. Please do email me with the next steps, presumably a valuation. I have heard a little of Foxtons but perhaps you could let me know why you'd be the best agent for my property? Zho-ee thinks we should go through a Chinese agent, which I don't think is a good idea at all.

Many thanks
Tim Broughton


From: Alia Jamal
Sent: 4 June 2009 13:55
To: tim broughton
Subject: Chelsea home for sale

Dear Mr Broughton,

Thank you for your recent email.

Yes you are quite right that we will need to value the property, as the first step.

Is there access to the property in your absence so Ian Brownridge, the sales manager can go and visit the property. Alternatively we can organize a time for when you return to London.

Please advise Zho-ee that a Chinese agent if there is such a specific agency may only attract Chinese Clients but Foxtons is London’s largest estate agents who are able to attract buyers from all over the world which in turn enables you to achieve the best possible price.

Ian is very keen to meet you both but as you are away over the next few weeks it would be great if we can get the valuation done to get the ball rolling for you so you are prepared to market from the beginning of July.

I look forward to hearing from you very soon.

Kind Regards

Miss Alia Jamal
Department Head


From: tim broughton
Sent: 5 June 2009 22:00
To: Alia Jamal
Subject: Chelsea home for sale

Dear Alia

Many thanks for your swift response. It all sounds very positive, but I still think Zho-ee would be rather annoyed if we didn't use a Chinese agent. She's a rather strong character, you see, with strong Chinese roots and a fierce passion for her homeland (and tabletennis). Ian Brownridge sounds like a fine fellow, but he doesn't sound Chinese.

Would you by any chance have any Chinese chaps who could do the valuation?

If this doesn't prove fruitful, I do have a plan B. Do you think Ian would mind meeting me outside where I could give him a T-Shirt to wear which has Barcelona '92 emblazoned across the front. And perhaps he could hold a tabletennis paddle around the house whilst doing the valuation? I'm sure Zho-ee's initial reservations about Ian would soften if he appears to be a tabletennis enthusiast. I could even send through some tabletennis facts for him to learn - ones that only a fan would know.

Please let me what you think.

Best wishes

Tim

PS It's early days but so far the Maldives are poor.

Sent from a Blackberry


From: Ian Brownridge
Sent: 6 June 2009 09:25
To: tim broughton
Subject: Chelsea home for sale

Hi Tim

Thanks for your message which my colleague Alia Jamal has forwarded on to me.

This all sounds rather peculiar, but please give me a call to discuss this in more detail as we don’t even have the property address at this stage and we cannot do anything without the address and your contact telephone numbers.

One thing which is puzzling me, is that there were two Chinese female table tennis gold medal winners from the Barcelona Olympics in 1992, and they were called Yaping Deng and Hong Qiao.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards
Ian
Ian Brownridge
Sales Manager


From: tim broughton
Sent: 8 June 2009 07:45
To: Ian Brownridge
Subject: Chelsea home for sale

Dear Ian

Goodness me, this has all been a bit of a shock to the system.

I have now had the opportunity to research the winners of the tabletennis Olympic medals in Barcelona and you're absolutely right - Yaping Deng and Hong Qiao were the only victors that year. I even looked into the doubles events and, sure enough, there isn't a Zho-ee to be seen. This would explain the lack of any winner's medal. She told me all trophies and awards were held by the state as a symbol of national achievement and not individual glory. Unbelievable.

Naturally I'm shaking with rage about this. I mean, who would make up such a peculiar story? I am biding my time to select the correct moment to confront Zho-ee about this. Did I mention she's a very strong character?

I think I'd better put the house sale on hold until all this is sorted. The last thing I need is to be sharing the revenue of a multi-million pound home with a deceptive, faux tabletennis champion.

Many thanks in any case for your investigative, inquisitive input. I'd never have thought to check such things, and I married her.

I will be in touch as/when this issue is resolved.

Best wishes

Tim Broughton

PS Nightmare holiday. Last night I stood on my sunglasses. Today is the first day for a week that it's been sunny.

Sent from a Blackberry


From: Ian Brownridge
Sent: 8 June 2009 14:32
To: Tim Broughton
Subject: Chelsea home for sale

Dear Tim Broughton/Chortle

Thanks for the very amusing messages!! I was quite looking forward to wearing the Barcelona ’92 T-shirt – what a shame.

If you need a good divorce lawyer to deal with Zho-ee I have a great recommendation for you, she’s called Sue Grabbitandrun.

Best regards

Ian